


I Just Want To Fight With Everyone Else

by fellasisitgay91219



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe within an Alternate Universe, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Penny and Baz are Best Friend Goals, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:20:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28463736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fellasisitgay91219/pseuds/fellasisitgay91219
Summary: Simon accidentally sends himself to an alternate timeline.Inspired by the Song "Hero" By Family of the Year
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 4
Kudos: 110





	I Just Want To Fight With Everyone Else

**Author's Note:**

> The song in question. I feel like it really sums up Simon  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHeK0Cwr9sg

In hindsight, Simon Snow probably would have been better off never opening his mouth again. 

His problems started as they always did, with Baz. He had been going about his business as usual, when Baz taunted him about his most recent kerfuffle with the Humdrum. 

“I didn’t realize being the Chosen One meant terrorizing a bunch of first years and exploding half of the pitch,” Baz drawled. “I wonder, do you think you’d still be here if you weren’t the Mage’s little pet?” His cronies had laughed. 

Penny put a hand on his arm and murmured, “Don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to rile you up. You did what you had to.”

Simon ignored her. The problem was, Baz was right. He shouldn’t have gone off that last weekend, especially not near the entire first year class. He probably should have been facing consequences, but instead he got pats on the back and the Mage’s nod of approval. The Mage didn’t seem to care how the Humdrum’s attacks were stopped, as long as Simon dealt with them. 

Simon cared. He didn’t feel like a very good Chosen One after seeing the fearful looks of his schoolmates. He didn’t feel like a very good Chosen One ever, if he was being honest. 

“Maybe he’s hoping you’ll blow yourself up along with the Humdrum, so we never have to deal with the two of you again.” Baz added, his voice even louder. 

That did it. Simon stomped out of the classroom, his magic rising up to his skin. He let himself get halfway to Mummers House, before stopping and raking his hands through his hair. If he went off now, he would be exactly who Baz was painting him to be. A failure. 

So he took calming breaths and pulled the old ipod Penny had given him. It was filled with music that a younger Penny had picked out, but he didn’t mind. He plugged in his headphones and pressed play once he was safely hidden under a tree. 

The first song was “Hero” by Family of the Year. He hadn’t heard it before, but it soothed him. He listened to it five times in a row before he could sing the lyrics. “I don’t want to be your herooo,” He sang, feeling his magic sink back into his body. He felt calm and relaxed. He closed his eyes and drifted asleep. 

“Is he okay?” A voice asked, familiar, but inaccessible in his memories through the haze of sleep. “He doesn’t look okay.” The voice said again. 

Simon rubbed his eyes and looked up. Penny was staring down at him. Her hair was bright purple, which he found odd, since her hair had been green that morning. He wondered if he had been asleep for days.

“He should be dead, right?” Another voice said, and Simon realized that standing next to Penny was Baz. Except... he looked different. His skin was browner and his face looked softer. Simon closed his eyes and opened them again, hoping for a different view. Nope, still Baz and Penny, themselves but not. 

“Maybe he’s a mage.” Penny said, as if Simon wasn’t even in front of her. “Otherwise, how would he have survived the wards?”

Baz tilted his head, then seemed to realize he was awake. “Hullo.” He said, almost friendly. “Are you okay?”

Simon must have hit his head. He didn’t think Baz had ever asked him that. Baz didn’t care if he was okay. Baz didn’t care if anyone was okay. 

(Okay, that was probably a lie. Baz had friends and probably a secret girlfriend somewhere. Still, he had an impenetrable mask) 

“I’m...” Simon rubbed his head. “I’m sorry, what happened?”

Penny and Baz exchanged a look. Simon felt like he was having déjà vu. Except it was seeing Penny’s distinct conspiring look directed at someone else. 

He most definitely hit his head. 

“Do you want to go to the nurse?” Penny asked, grabbing one of his arms. Baz reluctantly took the other. At least some things never changed. “Do you have any memory of how you got here?”

Once he was standing, he felt even more disoriented. The grounds looked almost the same, except there was one less dorm building and there seemed to be less students. He frowned and rubbed his head. “I came from elocution and fell asleep.” He said warily. “Now everything is wonky.” 

Penny made a huh! noise and tugged him to walk forwards. Somehow, they both had taken one of his hands. Baz seemed to notice at the same time as him and dropped it, blushing. 

“I definitely think a trip to the nurse would be helpful.” She said as she walked. “What’s your name?” She asked cheerfully. 

“Simon.” He said, then glanced at Baz following them a couple feet behind. “Penny?” He whispered. “Did Baz do something?”

She stopped and stared at him. “How do you know my name?”

Simon opened his mouth and fainted. 

“-hasn’t hurt himself,” a kind voice was saying, “Though something seems odd about him. I’m going to run some more tests. If you two want, you can go back to class.” The last sentence seemed more of a direction then a suggestion. 

Simon opened his eyes. He was lying in the med ward. This was a familiar sight, thankfully. Even Penny sitting at his side was comforting. 

“I think we’ll stay. Thanks though, Nurse Terri.” She said cheerfully. 

We? Simon wondered if Penny had found Agatha while he was passed out. He glanced at his sight and was shocked to see Not Baz sitting there. 

“Oh. Hullo.” He said, noticing Simon’s gaze on him. “Are you feeling okay?”

That question again. Simon felt uncomfortably warm when Baz said it. Like anger rising through his body. 

“I’m fine, well I’m confused but-“

Penny gave him a look that shut him up. “You know our names.”

He swallowed. “Yes.”

Penny raised an eyebrow. She looked eerily like Baz. “So. Explain. We find you lying under a tree, in uniform but unfamiliar and somehow knowing who we are. What gives?”

Simon looked between the two of them. “Are you two dating?!” He blurted.

They both stared at him, then burst out laughing. Penny was the first to recover. 

“No! I’m dating-“

“Micah?” Simon guessed. 

She looked at him with narrowed eyes, suddenly cool, and continued. “Yes. And Basil is ridiculously gay.”

He looked at Baz. He was smiling good naturedly, but as Simon continued to stare, it faded. “Oh. Are you homophobic?” Baz almost whispered. “Crowley, I didn’t realize-“

Simon blinked and shook his head. “No I... I’m not homophobic. I just... you always flirt with Agatha?”

Baz frowned and Simon finally saw the person he knew. “Wellbelove? She didn’t even come back this year. Besides, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t get romantic feelings for people.”

This was too much for Simon to wrap his head around. He thought for a second that they were playing an elaborate prank on him, but he doubted Baz would brown himself for a prank. (That was racist, Penny had told him second year. Simon was pretty sure Baz wasn’t racist) 

His second thought was he was dreaming. He pinched himself and winced. It still hurt. He wondered if he needed more pain then a simple pinch. He started to chant for his sword, but Baz put a hand on his arm. Simon felt himself blush. He didn’t think Baz had ever touched him there. 

“Are you trying to summon the Sword of Mage’s?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowed. “For one, that isn’t a very polite thing to do,” Was that a joke? “And two, only I can do that.”

That was when Simon Snow realized he was royally fucked. 

“You are the Mage’s Heir.” He said slowly. Baz nodded. “Natasha Pitch is the Mage.” Baz nodded again, more slowly. “You were never Turned by vampires, were you? That’s why you aren’t so... white.” He didn’t let Baz react to that one. “You and Pen are friends and Agatha didn’t feel obligated to come back for her eighth year. There’s a missing dorm building and less students... because the Mage never implemented his reforms. Oh Christ.” He said and buried his face in his hands. “I’ve somehow found myself in an alternate timeline.” 

He sobbed, full on sobbed, and Penny patted his back. Even when she saw him as a complete stranger, she tried to comfort him. That just made him sob harder. He missed his Penny. 

When he had calmed down, Baz and Penny seemed to have come to a silent agreement. “Let’s go to my room.” Baz said. “So we can talk this out.”

Baz’s room was so familiar, and yet so unfamiliar. 

Simon wanted to slash everything with his sword. Except... it wasn’t his sword in this timeline. He held back tears again. 

Baz had taken over the entire room. The two beds were melded into one and the two desks were pushed against each other. It looked a lot neater than his own version of the room, but that didn’t exactly reassure him. 

When they got inside, Penny sat on Baz’s bed (somethings never seemed to change) and said, “Explain.”

Simon explained the differences of their timelines that he had noticed so far. Baz paled at the mention of his mother’s death and Penny squeezed his hand. Simon wasn’t sure he’d ever get over their friendship. 

When he was done, Baz seemed lost for words. Luckily, Penny had enough for all of them. 

“It seems that your magic somehow sent you to our iteration. Can you retrace your steps and figure out what you could have said that triggered it?”

Simon thought back. He had been beating himself up about being a bad Chosen One then... “Fuck.” He said. 

“What?” Baz asked, sounding bewildered. 

Simon raked his hands through his hair. “I was singing this song... I was freaked out because,” He blushed. “Baz was trying to make me mad... and I listened to this song on Penny’s old ipod...” He groaned and kicked the wall. 

“What?” Baz asked again, more urgent. 

“I sang ‘Hero’ by-“

“Family of the Year.” Penny breathed. “I love that song.”

Simon nodded rapidly. “So I think... Uh I think... I think I wrote myself out of existence.”

They both stared at him. Baz said again, ever the charmer, “What?” He blinked, then continued. “What does Hero have to do with you?”

Simon took a deep breath. “I’m my world’s Chosen One.” Their faces were just confused. “My job is to stop the Humdrum, but I’m even terrible at that. I hate being the Chosen One and I just wish I was normal but,” He took a deep breath of air. He felt increasingly claustrophobic in there. “But I guess I can only exist as the Chosen One, so I wrote myself out of the world.”

They gaped at him. Baz was the first to regain him composure. “I’m so... sorry. That sounds horrible. I know this probably doesn’t mean much but... I’m sorry that the other me hurts you like that.”

Simon didn’t, couldn’t answer that. Luckily Penny filled the silence. 

“What’s the Humdrum?”

They spent the next three hours working through everything in their worlds that were the same and different. In Other Penny and Baz’s world, The Mage didn’t seem to exist, no one named Simon went to their school, Natasha Pitch had always been headmaster, there were no wars or monster attacks, Baz grew up normal and best friends/rivals with Penny and Penny roomed with Keris. She didn’t even know who Trixie was. 

“Your mom’s policies are specisist.” Simon told Baz darkly. 

He sighed but didn’t seem surprised. 

“I know. I’ve tried to get her to listen to me but... Covenperson Davy is obsessed with changing them and she won’t listen to a word he says.”

Simon frowned but didn’t press further. 

The most major difference was, of course, no Humdrum and no Chosen One. 

“That’s remarkable.” Penny told Simon, once he had explained the Humdrum. “Terrifying, but remarkable.”

He shrugged. He was used to the Humdrum's antics. To him, the world of magic was synonymous with the Humdrum. 

“I wonder if the Humdrum only exists because you do.” Baz said, twirling a pencil between his long, nimble fingers. They had migrated to the floor at one point, and Baz was writing down all of the differences in their worlds. Baz raised an eyebrow at Simon’s attention on his fingers and Simon blushed. 

“What do you mean?” Penny asked, oblivious to their interaction. 

“Maybe when Simon, the unequivocally Good Chosen One was born, the Universe needed to even the scales with an unequivocally Bad thing. Like in Legend of Korra, the two spirits battling out for eternity. One is Good, the other Bad. They balance each other out.”

Penny made a face. “You know I hate season two. It’s the worst season.”

Baz jabbed his pencil at Penny. Simon flinched. “It’s only a mess because they didn’t think they’d be renewed. Besides we get Varrick and all the cool Bolin stuff.” 

Penny rolled her eyes. “We also got that dumb as fuck love triangle.”

“Aubrey Plaza though,” Baz argued. Penny agreed to Aubrey Plaza. 

Simon gaped at him. “You...”

Baz looked at him. “What?”

“You’re a nerd.” Simon said, shock riddling through his voice. 

Penny snorted and slapped her knee. “Merlin! He got you there Baz!”

Baz was red, but he didn’t contest it. Simon found himself smiling. He rather liked this Baz, the one who didn’t want to murder him and talked about cartoons. 

“Crowley it’s almost curfew.” Penny said, glancing at her watch. “We’ll have to continue this tomorrow, first...” Penny tried a couple spells, including As You Were. Nothing happened. She sighed. “We’ll brainstorm some more later, right now I need to get to my room... shit, what are we going to do with Simon?”

Baz glanced at his bed. He was even redder now. Simon felt the heat rise in his cheeks as well. He needed to suggest something before Baz said anything. He didn’t know what but-

“We can share my bed?” Baz stated, but it was posed as a question. 

Simon nodded tersely. “Sure.”

Penny glanced between them. “Are you sure everything will be okay?” She asked, her question directed at Simon. “After all, you are used to being hostile towards Baz.”

Oh. He hadn’t even thought about that. “Uh yeah it’ll be fine. It’s a big enough bed for the two of us.” He said, blushing even more. 

Penny’s look was knowing, but she said her good byes and slipped out of their room. Well, Baz’s room. 

Baz stared at him. Simon stared back. 

Baz had really nice eyes, Simon decided. Grey, with flecks of blue and brown. He also had long eyelashes. He remembered Agatha saying they went to waste on him. He also had really pretty lips- Simon stopped himself. 

“Your nose isn’t broken.” He said, to distract himself from his thoughts. 

That broke the spell. Baz tilted his head, then got up and turned away from Simon. “Yeah, why would it be?”

Simon didn’t answer, instead he perched on one of the desks and watched Baz pull out pajamas from his wardrobe. Surprisingly, he pulled out two pairs and threw one to Simon. 

“Change. You can shower if you want, I shower in the morning.”

Simon found it odd that he knew this fact, that this other Baz who hadn’t had to deal with living with him still showered at the same time. 

He nodded and went to the en-suite. He paused in the doorway and met eyes with Baz. “Thank you.” He said, then closed the door. 

If he had been in his timeline, Simon would have been breaking a lot of Baz’s rules. 

For one, he was using his soaps and hair products. This wasn’t really his fault, seeing that there was no other option in their (Baz’s. He didn’t own this version of this shower) shower. He also put on Baz’s pajamas (They were silky and soft. Simon felt like a pampered dog) but again, he didn’t really have another choice. Besides, Baz had given them to him. 

Finally, he was about to sleep in the same bed as him. 

This wasn’t exactly a rule of His Baz, but it was obviously a line His Baz had never assumed he’d cross. 

Now here he was, lying staring at the ceiling, listening to Baz breath. 

It was decidedly awkward. 

“I... Just letting you know, I sleep in a curled up position.” Simon said, glancing at Baz. “I’ll probably uh transition to that soon.”

“Do whatever you need to.” Baz said back, his voice quiet. He wasn’t moving, Simon observed. 

Simon felt awkward, but curled up on his side of the bed. 

They didn’t exactly touch, but it left way less space between them. 

“Good night Baz.” He said. 

“Good night Simon.” Baz said. 

He fell asleep to the sound of the other boys breath.

Simon woke up feeling cozy and warm. He wondered if Baz was trying to suffocate him in his sleep. If so, he didn’t really mind it at the moment. The lack of oxygen to his brain was made him relax and remember strange events that never happened. If these were his final moments, he didn’t really mind them. 

Then he wondered why the Anathema hadn’t kicked in and woke up. 

He was not, in fact, being smothered to death. He wasn’t even in his usual bed. He was on the opposite side of the room and someone was spooning him. 

Agatha? Penny? He didn’t know why or how they’d be in his room. He was broken up with Agatha, and Penny had never cuddled him before. He turned slightly and his cheeks reddened. 

Baz was sleeping peacefully next to him, his face pressed into Simon’s shoulder. Fuck. He thought. I must actually be in another timeline. This would never happen in mine. 

He tried to wriggle out of Baz’s cuddle, but the other boy just clung to him more. Simon resigned himself to his fate and fell back asleep. 

When he woke up, he sadly found that he was alone in the bed. Worse, two people were talking in hushed voices across the room. He rubbed his eyes and took in Baz and unfamiliar figure. 

“You should have told me!” The unfamiliar figure said. Their voice sounded feminine and annoyed. “You’re just children. This is my job!” 

“Your job is to deal with mysterious boys from different timelines?” Baz retorted, voice tense. He seemed more like Simon’s Baz, which he didn’t appreciate. 

“Things like disturbances to our school. I’m the headmaster. If anything happens here, I have to deal with it.”

Oh. This was Baz’s mum. He found it odd that Baz was arguing with her, but again, this wasn’t the boy he knew. The Baz he knew visited his mother’s grave in the catacombs. This Baz apparently was fed up with his mother. 

“Sorry for not telling you about this thing right away, mother!” He said heatedly. “But now you know, so you can deal with him accordingly.”

Simon shivered. He didn't like the sound of that. “Am I in trouble?” He asked. 

Natasha and Baz turned. 

Their faces looked angry, but softened simultaneously as they looked at him. “Of course not, dear.” She said, softly. “I’m only upset my darling son didn’t tell me of your presence earlier so I could have helped sooner.”

Simon nodded and tried to smooth down his hair. He felt weird wearing Baz’s pajamas and having bed head in front of the beloved and famed Natasha Pitch. She didn’t seem to mind though. She sat down on the bed and smiled. Baz stood awkwardly behind her. 

“Can you walk me through everything that happened?” She asked. 

Simon’s stomach rumbled. “I think I need food first?” He said apologetically. She just laughed and nodded. 

“Baz? Help him there.”

Simon wanted to say that he knew the way, he had been going here since first year, but he wanted to go with Baz anyways, so he just smiled and followed the other boy out. 

“Why are you mad at her?” He asked, when they exited the dorm building. He was still in his pajamas, but no one seemed to care. 

Baz glanced at him. He was dressed, in slacks and a pink button up with a gold leaf pattern. His hair fell in waves surrounding his face. He looked really good. “Oh. That? We just had differing opinions. Why?”

Simon shrugged. He didn’t think Baz wanted to hear more of his Natasha Pitch-less world. “I’m an orphan. I don’t really deal with parental issues that much.” 

Baz looked sad. “I’m sorr-“ He started to say, but Simon cut him off. 

“It’s okay. The Wellbelove’s take me in every Christmas and Penny is like my family.” He frowned at his shoes. “My Penny, of course.”

Baz didn’t say anything until they got to the dinning hall. “I know we’re enemies in your world, but what’s Penny and my relationship like?”

Simon got in line for food. “Um. I guess you don’t really like each other. In a friend way. You are still academic rivals, who respect each other I guess.” He shrugged. 

Baz nodded and grabbed a plate of scones. Simon did the same. “What about you and Agatha? She seems important in your life.”

Simon grabbed some butter. “She’s my girlfriend- ex girlfriend actually. Penny-my Pen, is always saying we don’t work together.” 

They sat down in a spot neither of them sat in his timeline. 

Baz watched Simon slathered his scones with butter. “I would assume your relationship doesn’t work because she’s aromantic.” He said. 

Simon looked up. “Oh. Do you think that could be different in my world?”

Baz quirked an eyebrow. Simon shoved an entire scone into his mouth. “No, not really. Sexuality doesn’t work that way. She probably just hasn’t figured it out yet.”

Simon licked his fingers. Baz was still staring at him, now both of his eyebrows were shooting for the sky. “That means you are probably gay in my timeline?”

Baz chuckled. “Most definitely.”

Simon pondered that. It didn’t really change how he saw Baz, he was still a dick and out to get him. It changed Baz’s relationship to Agatha. He wondered why he flirted with her if he would never go out with her. 

“Has anyone ever told you you have disgusting table manners?” Baz said, but his voice was lighthearted. 

Simon added butter to another scone. “You do, all the time.”

Baz had no answer to that. Luckily Penny found them. 

She was dressed up, in a black turtle neck and smart, wide, dark green pants. Her hair was pulled up into a pretty bun and two golden clips in it. 

“Hullo boys.” Penny said, grabbing a scone from Baz’s plate. He had already eaten two, which was more than Simon had ever seen him eat. “Ready for our day?”

Simon stopped moving, a scone halfway shoved into his mouth. “Huh?”

Penny looked at Baz. “You didn’t tell him?” She turned her gaze back at Simon. “We have a meeting with the Coven. Baz and I are petitioning them to legalize spells that help some trans people feel more comfortable in their bodies.”

“Oh. That’s really cool.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Those are illegal? I never knew that.”

Baz scoffed. “Of course you didn’t. The Coven likes to say that the only spells that are illegal are dangerous spells. They don’t want to admit they okayed transphobic policies. They don’t even have a reason for why they are illegal, it’s just bigotry.” 

Simon stared at him. Baz seemed angry and... passionate? He had never seen him like this. 

He quite liked it. 

“That’s cool you two are trying to change things. I guess that doesn’t happen in my world because we’re always busy with Humdrum attacks and the Mage’s quests.”

“What are those like?” Penny asked, awed. 

Simon smiled, this was something he could talk about, and told Pen about their various adventures. Penny occasionally asked an excited question or gasped at the appropriate time. Baz was silent, studying his now empty plate. 

“That’s really cool, Si.” Penny said. “Sorry, can I call you that?”

Simon smiled sadly. “Yeah. If I can call you Pen?” 

She grinned. 

Baz stood up abruptly. “Simon needs to change so we can get to the meeting on time.”

“What about your mom? Shouldn’t I tell her how I got here?” He asked, standing up as well. 

“You can after the meeting.” Baz said. Then marched out of the dinning hall. 

Penny stopped Simon from following. “He’s really passionate about this. We’ve been working on this campaign since seventh year. You might be a bit... deprioritized right now in his eyes.”

Simon nodded and followed Baz out. 

Baz dressed him in grey plaid pants and a white turtle neck. He even tried to mess with his hair. 

His new reality was very odd. 

Baz drove them to the Coven in his fancy car. Penny took the passenger seat, so Simon sat in the back. He didn’t really mind, though. They talked over their petition and he hummed along to Baz’s music. This Baz seemed to like David Bowie. 

He wondered how much of This Baz was the same as His Baz, but suppressed around Simon. The more he thought about it, the more obvious it was that Baz was gay in his world. It seemed it was Simon’s fault he wasn’t out though. 

That was a chilling thought. Everything that was good in this world, seemed to be because he didn’t exist. That meant he was somehow indirectly responsible for Natasha Pitch’s death. 

He stopped thinking after that. 

They arrived at the Coven building and found Penny’s father waiting outside for them, dressed in an old suit. Simon supposed he didn’t have the Humdrum to research in this reality. 

The three of them fell into conversation, so Simon decided to wander around. He looked at the wall where pictures of the current Coven members hung. He recognized some, but others were unfamiliar. There were a handful who he knew, but weren’t on the Coven in his time. He wondered why this was different. 

He continued down the hallway, peeking into the various open doors. They were mostly empty, save for a secretary or two. As he continued to walk, he heard the loud voices of men. 

He stopped at the corner of the hallway and stared. Malcom Grimm Pitch and a vaguely familiar man were yelling at each other. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but their faces were red and flustered. He wondered if Baz’s relationship with his father was the same as His Baz’s. Or quite possibly, worse. 

Finally, the men broke apart and Malcom stomped away. 

Simon peeked over the corner and saw the man sitting on a bench, frowning at his hands. Simon decided to walk past him, as if nothing ever happened. 

That didn’t work. The man looked up at him, hearing his dress shoes clang against the tiled floor. Simon gasped as he saw his face. He was the Mage. 

“Simon?” The man gasped as well. He looked pale and tired, his hair graying prematurely. 

Simon stumbled backwards. “How do you- Sir?”

The Mage stood up and looked him up and down. “What are you doing here, Simon? Why aren’t you in California with your mother?”

Simon was lightheaded. He opened his mouth then closed it. “Sir?” He asked again. 

The Mage sighed, he really did look old. “You don’t have to call me that. You can call me dad if you want. Or father,” He added, “Like you did last time you saw me.”

Simon couldn’t breath. “Last time?”

The Mage was looking at him funny. His father- His father was looking at him funny. “When I visited your mother two years ago. You called me father, we got churros and Lucy and I got in an argument.” He narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing here, Simon?”

Someone put their hand on his shoulder. “He’s with us.” Penny said. Simon glanced at her. She gave him a tight smile. 

“How do you know his name?” Baz asked, standing to Simon’s other side. 

The Mage was frowning. This was also a familiar sight, except he never looked so sad. “He’s my son. How do you know him?”

Penny and Baz exchanged shocked looks. “Why didn’t you tell us Covenperson Davy was your father?” Baz asked. 

Simon gaped at him. “I didn’t KNOW. I thought I was an orphan... an anomaly... the first mage to be born to normal parents. He’s- He’s- He’s my worlds headmaster and head of the Coven.” Simon stared at the man before him. He was actually wearing normal clothes for once-albeit an ugly tan suit. “He’s my- I didn’t know he was my father.” He whispered. 

Penny wrapped her arm around him and after a second, Baz did the same. 

“Someone explain.” The Mage-Davy-said, his voice shaking. “Someone explain, right now.”

Simon took in a deep breath, but before he could start, Penny summarized. 

“Simon is from another timeline where he’s the Chosen One. He accidentally sent himself here while worked up and singing about not wanting to be a hero. In his world, it seems, he didn’t know you were his father.”

Davy looked pained. He sat back down on the bench. “It worked. It must have worked there. How did it... how did it work?” He muttered to himself. Simon exchanged looks with Penny, then Baz. 

“Kids,” Arthur said, walking up behind them. “It’s time.” 

He gave one last look at his father, then followed his friends into the inner chamber. 

Simon assumed that Penny and Baz did a good job. They were the two best students at Watford, so of course they did. If someone asked him what their points were or how the Coven reacted, he could not say. All he could think about was his father, The Mage. Somehow, in his world, his father had abandoned him, pretended to find him, then watched over him, without telling him they were related. Somewhere in his world, he had a mother named Lucy. He had two alive parents, two mage parents it seemed, and yet he had grown up an orphan, starving and afraid. 

Unless his mother wasn’t alive. That excused her from finding him, but he didn’t know why he hadn’t grown up with The Mage. 

When Baz and Penny returned to him, he gave them halfhearted smiles and thumbs up. “You did great!” He said, hoping he was right. 

Penny smiled at him and fanned herself. “Thanks. We should go outside while we wait for the results. It’s too hot in here.” 

They followed her out, Penny rambling on about her speech while Baz nodded encouragingly. 

Simon didn’t really feel hot. Actually, he hadn’t felt overheated once since he got here. Last night he should have been burning up, with the blankets and Baz piled over him. 

He stopped in the hallway and gasped. “Pen...”

She turned back, a quizzical look on her face. 

“I just realized... I don’t think I have magic.”

She looked concerned, Her eyes wide, her lips parted, until Baz said, “You need a wand to do magic, silly. That’s probably why you can’t do anything.”

Simon stared at his hands. “I don’t... I don’t always need a wand in my world though. And I can always feel it bubbling under my skin.”

Baz strode towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You aren’t this worlds Chosen One.”

“So?”

“So you probably have less magic.” Baz pulled out his wand. “Here, try a spell.”

Simon frowned at it, but took it. “Some like it hot.” He said with magic. Suddenly, he felt as hot as he normally did. 

Penny quickly said, “As you were,” and he returned to a normal human’s temperature. 

“See?” Baz said, then gently took his wand back. “Come on, I don’t want to be in here a second longer.”

Outside, Baz leaned against his car and took out a cigarette. Penny rolled her eyes and pulled Simon away from him. “He’s going to kill his lungs.” She hissed, staring back at him once they were out of the range of his smoke. 

Simon stared as well. He looked effortlessly cool, against his fancy car, his cigarette dangling in his long fingers. “Why does he smoke? He smokes in my world, but I always assumed it was because he wanted to throw people off of his vampireness.”

Penny glanced at him. “I don’t know. Why does anyone smoke? He’s stressed all of the time and his aunt got him on it. I guess it’s better then fifth year, when he got drunk and/or high every night.”

“What?”

Penny looked sad. “That’s when he came out to his parents. They didn’t take it very well at first. He took it really badly.”

Simon tried to wrap his mind around this. This Baz seemed perfect, with a mother, a roommate-less room and no vampiric nature. He had just assumed his life was perfect and everything His Baz would want. He didn’t realize he still had... problems. 

“Are they okay now?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. He missed his old body heat. In this reality, he was cold in long sleeves outside and it was only late November. 

Penny shrugged. “His parents try, but he still spends most of his summer break with his aunt in Beijing. He hates his house, says it feels empty and cold. Doesn’t help that his parents are rarely home anymore.” Penny noticed the confused look on his face. “Right, you wouldn’t know. They are getting divorced. Apparently Malcom had an affair with someone. He’s going to get married to her in the spring.”

Simon’s head whirled. He didn’t know what to do with this information. 

“That’s really... sad.” He said. “Here I was thinking my absence made everyone’s lives better, but maybe they didn’t.” He paused, “Well, having an annoying mother is probably better then a dead one, but still.”

Penny frowned at him. “Except you still exist in this world. Davy said he’s your father.”

Right. “Oh. He told me I lived in California with... Lucy?”

Penny raised her eyebrows. “Lucy Salisbury? There was this whole scandal where she ran away to California after giving birth to a child. My mom is still friends with her, though apparently her controlling ex estranged them for a year or two.” Penny paused. “Oh shit. Her controlling ex is Davy. Crowley, imagine if she had stayed. You might have been enemies with Baz, seeing your parents hate each other so much.”

Simon stared at her. “I am enemies with Baz.”

Penny nodded. “Right.”

Baz joined them, smelling of smoke. His hair was more messy, as if he had been running his hand through it. Simon wanted to reach out and smooth it down. 

He didn’t. 

“What are we talking about?” Baz asked. 

Penny tapped her fingers excitedly. “We learned there is a Simon in this world. Lucy Salisbury’s son, the one who ran away from her ex, Davy.”

Baz’s eyebrows shot up. “Salisbury? Like Lady Salisbury from the club.”

Simon’s throat felt sealed up. “Lady Salisbury?” He managed to croak out. 

Baz glanced at him. “She’s probably your grandmother,” He mused. “That must be a lot.”

No kidding. Simon stared at his feet. He had a grandmother in this world. A mother who ran away with him and a father who was... probably not great. He wondered what This Simon was like. Probably happier. 

“We need to get in contact with the other Simon.” Penny said, before he could voice his thoughts. 

Baz frowned. “Wouldn’t that... I don’t know, destroy the fabric of the universe?”

Penny shrugged, a grin growing on her face, “I guess we’ll have to find out.”

They cornered Covenperson Davy in his office. He was staring at a picture on the wall, a photograph of a younger him and... a young Simon. 

He swallowed. It was him, but not. 

“Crowley.” Baz whispered, voicing his thoughts. 

Davy whipped around. “What do you want? Come to bribe me to vote for you? I’m already voting yes.”

Baz made a face. “We’re here to talk to you about Simon.”

Penny stepped forwards. “More specifically, we want you to get in touch with your Simon.”

Davy stared at them, then blinked. “Are you serious?”

Simon nodded. “Completely.”

He wasn’t sure what it would accomplish, exactly, but he knew he needed to hear from himself. He had to know what his life could have been. 

Davy sighed, but facetimed his son. They all gathered around the phone. 

Simon sent his father a text, ending the facetime. “Busy,” Davy read out. “Why are you calling?”

Penny took the phone and typed something really quickly. She got a response a second later, then the phone was ringing again. 

Penny picked up and there he was. 

Other Simon, at first glance, looked similar to him. But after a second, he noticed their small differences. Other Simon was more filled out, like he had never missed a meal in his life. His hair was also longer, his curls more controlled. He wore a button up and glasses. He looked confused at his screen. 

“Hello?” He said. 

Christ. He had a flat american accent. 

“Hullo.” Simon said, pushing next to Penny so he could be on the screen. “I’m... you.”

The Other Simon blinked, but overall didn’t look so surprised. “Can you go somewhere private? So we can talk?” 

Simon glanced up. Davy got the idea and left the office, closing the door behind him. “Can my friends stay?” Simon asked Other Simon. The boy shrugged and then nodded. 

“I just didn’t want my father to listen in on us. I’m assuming you have questions of some sort.”

Simon nodded. 

“Ask away.”

It was Penny who spoke first. “What’s your full name?”

Simon looked confused, but answered. “Simon Snow Salisbury. It’s dreadful, I know. Is it not your name?” He asked Simon. 

His mouth was dry. “Er, no. My name is... Simon Snow. That was written on my arm when they found me.”

Snow was his middle name. Simon Snow Salisbury. He felt a chill run up his spine. 

“So your mother is Lucy Salisbury.” Penny said. Other Simon nodded. “Can we talk to her?”

He sighed, glanced to his side. “No, I’m out right now.” He turned the phone slightly, so they could see a person sitting next to him. A boy around their age, with black hair and devilish green eyes. “This is Eric, my boyfriend. Eric is also a mage.” The boy grinned and waved. “Eric this is... what are your names? Besides Simon, of course.” He smiled slightly at this. Simon realized another way he looked off, he seemed so tired and sad. His smile didn’t even meet his eyes. 

“I’m Penny and this is Baz. We go to Watford, you know what that is, right?”

Other Simon nodded curtly. “Mom always talks about it. She misses it, but says California is better.”

Simon licked his lips. “Your... our Mum, what’s she like?”

Other Simon shrugged. “She’s like any mom. She gets on my case for not cleaning my room and tries to hug me too much. She doesn’t like talking about magic that much, she hides it for the most part. I know she keeps in contact with some people from Watford, but she doesn’t ever tell me about it. If not for Eric and his family... I probably wouldn’t know much magic.”

Simon’s brain snapped back to Eric. “Are you... are we gay?” He asked, in a hushed tone. 

Other Simon snorted, his sad composure breaking. “What? How do you not know this?”

He felt embarrassed, then angry. “I spend all of my time fighting dark creatures or worrying about dying before I turn eighteen.” He snapped. “I don’t have time to figure out my sexuality.”

Other Simon looked stricken. “I’m sorry. I didn’t-“

“Whatever.”

“I’m bisexual.” Other Simon said. “I don’t know about you though. I haven’t known forever though. I used to think I hated Eric, but then I realized I was compensating for my feelings for him.” He looked sad again. “Still dealing with some internalized homophobia, if I’m being honest.”

Off camera, Eric murmured something and Other Simon nodded. 

“Anything else?”

Simon didn’t know what to ask. Here was someone with thousands of memories he would never have, someone who’s only connection to him was The Mage and the exact same genetics. What did you ask someone who was a perfect stranger but also yourself?

“What happened between... mum and Davy?”

Other Simon scowled. “He tried to perform a ritual on her, to create the Chosen One. It failed and she almost died in childbirth. Luckily she didn’t and she got away.” His expression was dark. “Apparently Davy was obsessed with power and changing the world. He used to be some sort of revolutionary, before mom left him. Nowadays he just looks tired and defeated.” Other Simon huffed. “Serves him right. He traumatized mom. She has a hard time trusting people now.”

Eric’s hand came on screen to squeeze Other Simon’s arm. 

“Do you think...” Penny turned to him, her eyes bright. He could see the gears working in her head. “Davy’s experiment must have worked in your world. He used that to gain power... which answers why Watford is so different for you. The Humdrum probably appeared to balance out your goodness... and I guess sent vampires to kill/turn the Pitches?”

Baz nodded, slowly. “When Simon cast ‘don’t want to be your hero,” He said without magic, “He must have stopped Davy from doing the ritual right. That stopped Simon from being the Chosen One and changed the course of the world.”

Simon gaped. Then he thought of something. “If Lucy almost died in childbirth in this world... do you think...?” He didn’t even have to finish before tears filled his eyes. Penny handed Baz the phone and wrapped him in a hug. 

“It’s okay,” She murmured. “It’s all going to be okay.”

He pulled out of the hug and looked back at Other Simon. “One last question.” He said, taking the phone. “Are you happy?”

Other Simon looked down. “I don’t know, man. I’m happy with Eric. I have my own issues and problems, but my life averages out fine. What about you? Are you happy?”

Simon thought over his life, his world. “Yeah. I think I will be, at least.”

They hung up and exited the office. Davy took his phone and stared at Simon’s bloodshot eyes. “Did he tell you-“

“You did a ceremony on my mother. To make me the Chosen One. You almost killed her.” Simon said, suddenly angry. 

Davy flinched. “I didn’t though. She left and it all turned out okay.”

Simon clenched his fists. “No it didn’t. You killed her. In my reality. She’s dead because of you. I have all of this power too. I hate you.” He took one last look at his father’s pitiful face, then ran away. 

Baz found him hiding behind his car, hyperventilating. 

“He’s a dick.” Baz said, crouching next to him. “I hope you punch your Davy when we get you back.”

Simon tried to smile but that used up too much air. 

“Hey.” Baz placed a tentative hand on his knee. “Breath in. Hold for three. Breath out.”

Simon followed Baz’s instructions and let himself fall into his voice. He really had a lovely voice, all smooth and rich. 

Simon looked up at him once he had regained his breath. Baz looked so pretty, his silk shirt unbuttoned, his hair falling into his face, his grey eyes soft. 

He swallowed and looked at his lips. 

“Si-“ Baz started, when Simon leaned in. He stopped right before their lips touched. 

“Is this okay?” He asked, glancing up at Baz’s eyes. 

Baz faltered. “Ye-Yes.”

Simon kissed him. 

It was soft and sweet, even though Baz seemed hesitant at first. Simon placed a hand on Baz’s neck and pulled him closer. After that, Baz deepened the kiss. 

Simon closed his eyes and let himself fall into Baz’s lips. He felt like this was where he belonged, like he had been put on this earth to kiss Baz. 

He ran his fingers through Baz’s hair and elicited a sigh out of him. He smirked into Baz’s lips, he had always wanted to do that. 

Oh fuck. He had always wanted to do that. If he thought about it, he had a list of things he had always wanted to do to Baz. 

They pulled apart at the same time. Simon because he realized he had feelings for His Baz, the angry, vampire, angsty Baz who hated him. 

Baz pulled away because, “I don’t think we should do this.” Baz whispered, pressing his forehead to Simon’s. 

“Why not?” Simon asked, though he had his own answer. He felt like he was cheating on His Baz, even though they weren’t even together. 

Baz pulled away and tucked his hair behind his ears. “You have to go back. I don’t want to... I think I could fall in love with you. I don’t want to grow connected to you like that. Or else I’ll miss you too much when you leave.”

“Oh.” Simon said. Then, “How long have you... wanted to do that?” He asked, blushing. 

Baz blushed as well. “Since we saw you under that tree yesterday. You are so beautiful, Simon.” Simon scoffed, but Baz didn’t let him say anything. “You are. I don’t know why your Baz hasn’t already told you this.” 

Simon shrugged and fell back against the car. “Because he hates me?”

Baz stared at him. Simon recognized the look, actually. It was one he thought meant, ‘I want to kill you’. Now he realized how hungry it was. 

“I don’t think he could ever truly hate you.”

Simon let that hang in the air for a minute, then pulled himself up. Baz did the same. “What’s the verdict?” He asked, thinking back to why they were here. 

Baz frowned. “Penny is going to get it. It doesn’t look good though.”

He unlocked the car and they climbed in. Simon in the passenger seat, Baz in the drivers seat. 

They waited in comfortable silence till Penny pulled herself into the back seat. “It passed!” She exclaimed. 

Baz and Simon turned around, grins on their face. “That’s awesome!” Simon said, as Baz said, “Fuck yeah baby!”

Penny’s grin softened. “I also have an idea.”

They took Simon back to his tree, the one they had found him under. Penny thought that it would be best to return him to the same spot. 

Plus, it was pretty secluded. The last thing he wanted was to appear in front of a bunch of confused third years. 

“All you have to do is click your heels three times and say, ‘There’s no place like home.’” Simon opened his mouth to say something, but Penny interrupted him. “Oh! And here’s your wand,” She handed it to Simon. “I found it among your dirty clothes. You really should keep it with you.”

He shrugged but grinned. “Thanks Pen.”

“Of course.” 

He held it up, then faltered. “Thank you both. For helping me, I mean. And believing me.” He sniffled. “I’ll see the other versions of you soon but... I’ll miss you two specifically.”

Penny smiled, but her eyes were filled with tears. “I’ll miss you too.” She said, then pulled him in for a hug. After a second, Baz joined too. 

“Be nice to him.” Baz told Simon. “Give him a chance.”

Simon nodded and tightened his grip on his wand. 

“There’s no place like home.” Click. 

“There’s no place like home.” Click. 

“There’s no place like home.” Click. 

Simon appeared in the middle of his bedroom. For a second, he wondered if the spell had just teleported him to Other Baz’s bedroom, until he heard Baz exclaim, “Crowley Snow. Where did you come from?”

Simon turned around and grinned. 

His Baz was sitting on his bed, a textbook on his lap. His hair was greased back and his skin pale white, but he was Simon’s. 

Simon felt his heart flutter a little and knew this wasn’t the first time he had felt this way. Fuck a nine toed troll, he thought. He had it bad. 

“Snow?” Baz asked, waving a hand in front of his face. “You disappeared after elocution and no one has seen you for a day. You’re...” Baz swallowed and Simon saw a familiar look on his face. Hunger. “You’re wearing decent clothes for once.”

Simon smirked and slid his hands into his pockets. “Like what you see?” He asked. 

He was pretty sure Baz’s cheeks were tinted pink. Simon counted that as a win. 

“What... what happened?” Baz asked, his normal cockiness gone. “Bunce is worried sick about you.”

Right. He would have to find her in a bit. But first, “I went to another timeline. One where... where I wasn’t the Chosen One.”

Baz raised his eyebrows. “Of course you did.” He said. 

Simon ignored that. “The Baz there was really nice and made me realize that we could have been friends. If the circumstance were slightly different. 

Baz scowled. “Great. Go be friends with him then.”

Simon strode up to Baz’s bed. He stared at him, willing him to understand. 

“No.” He said. “I don’t really care about him. I only care about you.”

Baz’s cheeks were definitely pink. “What?” He asked, his voice soft. 

Simon hovered his hands over Baz’s cheeks. Almost touching them, but not. “I want you. I want to try this with you.”

Baz gingerly pushed Simon’s hands to his cheeks. His face and hands were so cold. He had his high body heat and infinite magic back though, so it didn’t phase him as much as it might have. 

“This?” Baz asked. 

Simon huffed. “I want to be your boyfriend. I know things aren’t... we aren’t really friends in this dimension, but I want you. I think you want me too.”

Baz didn’t have to answer. He just surged forwards to kiss him. 

Hours later when they could barely feel their lips, they stopped snogging and curled up against each other in Baz’s bed. 

“There’s so much I have to tell you.” Simon murmured into Baz’s hair. “I know who my parents are. I think I might know how to defeat the Humdrum. Most importantly, I’ve seen our bedroom with one bed in it.” Baz looked up at him with a quizzical expression. “Other Baz doesn’t have a roommate, so he spelled the beds together. Do you think you could find a spell like that?”

Baz’s lips quirked. “I can certainly try.”

Simon hummed in content. 

“Wait.” Baz said. “Are you... are you even gay?”

Simon didn’t have to ask Baz if he was. It seemed most things transferred over. “I don’t think so. Other Simon said I was bisexual, but I haven’t thought about it enough to claim that term yet.” He smirked. “I think I’m just bazsexual for now.”

Baz laughed and Simon was happy.


End file.
